Reclaiming my womb space:

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My story with my womb involves an unbalanced masculine energy, in the form of patriarchy. And with patriarchy I am referring to a “power-over” and dominating or controlling energy, which is not necessarily gender based.

 

Once upon a time….

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There was me, growing up in family and religious structures which were very rigid and overbearing. According to the transactional analysis model in psychology, I internalised this external “critical parent ego state” at a very young age and as a result, the “adaptive child ego state” within myself complied with all of the external demands and my “free child ego state” did not have much chance to express itself (either through self- or other- imposed restriction). In large part, this was due to a structure of daily church activities, to having been subjected to frequent corporal punishment, to striving for excellent grades, to committing to loads of extramural activities (piano, choir, ballet, where these activities in and of themselves also allowed for very little room for spontaneity), to having no time for friends and nobody to talk to. In a nutshell, there was always pressure to be doing something, and as if that was not enough, it also had to be done in an orderly fashion – these are all signs of extreme masculine energy.

 

With my limited childhood perspective, I made an unconscious decision to adopt behaviours that are masculine in nature. Dissociating myself from being female in the quest to study life sciences and become a career woman, and I took pride in one day being able to compete with men for success. I preferred the company of men and mostly associated with men. I committed to studying at University for 12 years, adopting a lifestyle of no lunch breaks, eating in front of the books or computer, sleeping only 5 to 6 hours a night, drinking up to 8 cups of coffee a day, and If I wasn’t in my head, I was working out in the gym fanatically or going for runs pushing my body to its max (in the quest to be skinny and to cater to society’s patriarchal whims).

 

Suffice to say, the psychological dis-ease I presented with in childhood advanced to the point that I finally mustered up the courage to see a clinical psychologist. In addition, my body also suffered the consequences in the form of female hormonal imbalances, and I ended up with stage two adrenal burnout.

 

The breakthrough came when I started my journey with yoga: I could clearly notice how my thoughts and behaviours impacted my body and mind in an adverse way, with what I have now learned to be signs of excess masculine energy. For example, even though I outwardly always looked very feminine with being beautifully clothed and groomed:

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• I almost never cried and felt a disconnection form my emotions and sensations in the body

• I looked for a sense of self-worth outside of myself, especially from the opposite sex

• I struggled to give affection and give or receive nurturing

• I preferred hanging out with men as they were logical and rational and I could have intellectual conversations with them

• I was only interested in my studies (working toward becoming a professor) and escaping from the hard work with one form of addiction or another

• I felt isolated and unsupported, going from one co-dependent relationship to another, interspersed by short flings that left me feel empty and unworthy

• I was living from the neck up, and specifically in the left rational, executive brain.

 

By having had experienced the dark side of patriarchy, both on the inside and outside, I can honestly say that I have traversed the underworld, first unconsciously, and in later years consciously by exploring a number of healing modalities. I am very grateful to have healed most of my childhood wounds, manifested in mind and body and womb, and I am devoted to helping other women heal from theirs in their own heroic journeys. In the words of Rachel Naomi Remen, professor of Integrative Medicine: “Wounding and healing are not opposites. They're part of the same thing. It is our wounds that enable us to be compassionate with the wounds of others.”

 

And they all lived purposefully ever after…

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Qualifications:

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I obtained a PhD in Neuro-physiology, and combined my knowledge of chronobiology - how every system in the body has its own rhythm - with preserved indigenous and Taoist wisdom predating the Patriarchal era, in coaching on hormone balancing. In addition to a thorough investigation in Depth Psychology, in particular the roles of mythology, symbolism and specific goddess archetypes in the female psyche, I have completed a Jivamukti Yoga-inspired Yoga Teacher Training, and have also trained in Acceptance Commitment Therapy (ACT), a mindfulness-and-values-based behaviour therapy.

 

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Why is this work important?

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1) Women of today are experiencing more gynaecological issues than ever before, ranging from poly cystic ovarian syndrome, fibroids, endometriosis, difficult periods and thyroid and adrenal issues, to premature aging, infertility and low libido.

2) As far as relationships are concerned, many women battle with love/sex addiction, low self-worth, past or present maltreatment/trauma, and are insecurely attached to their romantic partners, seeking constant other-validation.

3) In general, many women are just not living passionate lives.

 

Moreover, in today’s Patriarchal society, many women have experienced some form of childhood physical or emotional neglect and/or physical, psychological or sexual abuse, where they then repeatedly re-enact those patterns of maltreatment by attracting romantic relationships that mirror those dynamics. Also, in ancient cultures, BEING rather than DOING/performing was encouraged, the phases of the menstrual cycles and female sexuality were honored in relation to nature, and women were celebrated as goddesses. In contrast, modern programming and rape culture includes dominance over women and Mother Nature (as reflected in the extreme in the pornography industry), and lifestyles that are governed by goal-directed, incessant activity, artificial light, hormone disruptive cosmetics, cleaning agents, water and diet. Consequently, we are in a time of much needed healing, finding balance, and living in accordance with the principles of nature.

 

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Who would benefit?

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Any woman who,

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a) is challenged in the context of maltreatment or complex trauma (past or present), love/sex addiction, and low self-worth,

b) is insecurely attached to their romantic partners, seeking constant other-validation,

c) suffers from hormone imbalances and gynaecological issues (poly cystic ovarian syndrome, fibroids, endometriosis, difficult periods, thyroid and adrenal issues, premature aging, infertility and low libido),

d) wants to discover her life purpose and the archetypes that can propel her forward on this quest,

e) is willing and committed to rewrite limiting unconscious beliefs, and embody the Divine Feminine.

 

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How you would benefit?

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You will benefit from this work by healing trauma that resides within the womb, and take full residency in your womb. By incorporating self-care practices, dietary and lifestyle practices, you will learn how to naturally balance your hormones, cultivate a connection with your life purpose, needs, and values and restore vitality and passion. You will get to know which goddess archetypes are operating in your life, and how the manifestation of their shadow aspects can be transformed by means of a process of rewriting your story to one of love and feminine empowerment.